my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
