Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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