Just cropdusted the office
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
