Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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