we have pet lesbian snakes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
