I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
