All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
