In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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