the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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