I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
