honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
