'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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