Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
