I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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