i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
