a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
