just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
