im holly from the hills drunk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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