It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize