I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
