I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
