Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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