I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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