I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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