Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
