i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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