he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
