The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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