There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
