hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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