You can't motorboat a personality
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
