At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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