Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
