Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
