i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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