i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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