You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
