I'm sorry my penis didn't work
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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