my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
one might say we're banned from that church
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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