I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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