wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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