Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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