Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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