He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
