She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
