Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
