Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
