When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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