I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
