I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
