i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
