Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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