shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
