I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
