Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
