He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
