My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
