yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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