First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize