he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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