think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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