saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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