if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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