before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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