do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
