Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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