Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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