Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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