do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
