I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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